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bitter all over again. after such great hangouts and talks he's got himself yet another girlfriend so well
fuck him i guess
i'm cutting him out officially this time
goodbye ryaara

(no subject)
fuck yes have a lighter again lets be destructive
fuckity fuck i am losing it
haha omfg this burn looks like a smiley face
and somehow THAT puts me in a good mood yup i am
not fucked up at all
not me

what the flying fuck

want to hang out?

me: idk waiting on some plans, been kinda bummed out idk if i'd be good company though
i feel that "my head and emotions are twisted. i'm pining over someone i hsould best let go of and it's getting there but i still catch myself getting frustrated"
me: yeah i dont really want to hear about you liking other people after you ask to hang out though like. ow. thanks man.
i got ya
me: k.
you're my pal though. meh. sorry.
me: true but i'm not your bro. how'd you feel if i just dumped emotionally on you about a current object of affection. that'd be inconsiderate and rude.

/100% done.

ritalin fucking kick in so i can stop crying jesus christ

iwas gonna go to boston but hah
trains and buses are suspended going into the city so
heh nvm

ugh i really needed that
and the distraction honestly
april is the worst fucking month for me

i feel like i have literally no one
all my friends can tell me all their problems but they dont
wanna hear the srs stuff from me and idk

i mean i dont want to unload on them anyway
so i'm just as guilty
but still

i fucking hate april


how many motherfucking times do i need to tell every fucking person in my life dont fucking talk to me about my abusive ex boyfriend and his statutory-raped seventeen or sixteenyear old apparently thin girlfriend fucking kill me now not eating indefinitely.

ARE YOU SERIOUS(ly) /immaturerant
fucking mom
telling me
to eat less
then the next few days
to eat more cus of starvation mode or
whatever the fuck

i've been so generally annoyed with her since apparently
she's hell-bent on moving and selling the house i'm moving back to
the end of this month
she wants to move all the way
to fucking

fuck texas
she can't even
pick a cool state
no i don't want to go there
my whole life is here

and i don't know what the fuck i'm going to do
with school and everything and credits and how
my school is horrible and i hate it and the credits never fucking transfer
cus no one recognizes this dumb ass school as a legitimate existence and
i'm so fucking broke how am i going to fucking go to a real school

and i feel so fucking

i've honestly not wanted to kill myself so badly as i have yesterday
since christmas it's not even a fucking dramatic huge i'm going to make a spectacle it's just this calm
impulsive erratic sense of like, yeah i'm gonna down all these drugs
oops guess i should throw them up

guess i'm still alive

get ready to wait
holyfuck it's going to be so long until this webcomic is finished
holyfuck what did i get myself into

oh you
ughe. i hadn't seen r in months. and of course us hanging out for like
ten minutes, maybe fifteen. i'm all happy and bouncy and ecstatic and
confused. and aughe ellie goulding under the sheets or whatever the
fuck that song is called came on and omfg that song i've always
associated with him but not in a
sexual way or anything
cus well
nothing like that ever happened
but hey

i hate this
i mean, i'm fine with us being friends.
i think i've mostly settled all those pesky unrequited feelings
i stopped myself more than once from texting him back
i stopped myself more than once from asking to hang out
no longer wait for him to get out of work and hope that we'll chill after


just him catching me up on all of his stuff
how he's finally clean/sober now it's just
while i'm so very happy for him
to hear that he can "finally feel again" also kind of
bums me out. since i always had the impression he was just in a
stupor, generally apathetic
it's just sad to truly know even when he said he liked me back
he didn't really, and it didn't last. but man, that
"yeah get over here and hug me!" got me in the feels.

though i think i'm mostly over it.
all of it, in general.
kinda got over it all
when he went and did that whole
get a girlfriend thing when
we weren't talking for a month or so
after i yelled at him last summer...

yeah i'm over it.


like no one knows about my lj
from irl or whatever
and i sincerely doubt from the internet either really
even fellow community members cus

we don't really
read eachother's stuff outside the community
at least that was the impression i got

but mini rant here
this is the only place on the internet i vent
i don't do it on tumblr
i don't do it on twitter
and i most certainly don't do it on facebook

and while i do get that it's like,
that individuals social outlet, their 'page' if you will
and they have the right to post whatever whim they desire
at the same time

i'm so fucking tired
of reading everyone's petty
blatant and or passive aggressive
ignorant stream of conciousness
and their dirty laundry.

like fucking write it down physically in a stupid journal
or have a secret lj or something.

i just don't get it.
i'd never publicize to hundreds, sometimes thousands
of people the gripes these people air out on a daily basis.
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