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oh you
ughe. i hadn't seen r in months. and of course us hanging out for like
ten minutes, maybe fifteen. i'm all happy and bouncy and ecstatic and
confused. and aughe ellie goulding under the sheets or whatever the
fuck that song is called came on and omfg that song i've always
associated with him but not in a
sexual way or anything
cus well
nothing like that ever happened
but hey

i hate this
i mean, i'm fine with us being friends.
i think i've mostly settled all those pesky unrequited feelings
i stopped myself more than once from texting him back
i stopped myself more than once from asking to hang out
no longer wait for him to get out of work and hope that we'll chill after


just him catching me up on all of his stuff
how he's finally clean/sober now it's just
while i'm so very happy for him
to hear that he can "finally feel again" also kind of
bums me out. since i always had the impression he was just in a
stupor, generally apathetic
it's just sad to truly know even when he said he liked me back
he didn't really, and it didn't last. but man, that
"yeah get over here and hug me!" got me in the feels.

though i think i'm mostly over it.
all of it, in general.
kinda got over it all
when he went and did that whole
get a girlfriend thing when
we weren't talking for a month or so
after i yelled at him last summer...

yeah i'm over it.